Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
