Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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