All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
