the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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