Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
