Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
