Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Panties = found
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