you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
