I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
