The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
