Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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