I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
