i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
