I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
