I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize
