Nicole vs. Life
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
