everyone is single if you try hard enough
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
