Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Dignity is for republicans.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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