just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
