NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
