I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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