Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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