3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
So squirting runs in the family.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
