What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
