we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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