Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
