Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
