I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
