I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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