If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
