he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
