his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
