Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
two words...techno handjob
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
