Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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