yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
