This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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