The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
