I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
