ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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