My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
