I'm lost and stupid without you.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
