Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
me + whiskey = a bad person
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
