They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
