I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
