I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
