i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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