Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
