every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he fucked my hip out of place.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
