You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
