Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
