you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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